the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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