last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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