Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
