my shit smells like andre
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
