oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
