If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
