Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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