If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
