At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
