Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
