I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
