So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
