i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
