If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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