Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
