i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
