chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
