I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
