he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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