Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
