it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
