walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
