Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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