I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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