I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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