No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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