There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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