she kept yelling 'call me bella'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
