she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
