You're my little dorito
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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