If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
