He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Quick, to the slutcave!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
