It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
