i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
