jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize