if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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