He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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