Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
