I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
