Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
