she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
