I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
