some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize