Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
