My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize