I heard we made out
i just google imaged poop.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
