Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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