I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
