I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
