His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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