this beer tastes like vomit already
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
