I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize