Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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