She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
