the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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