After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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