Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
