What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
