I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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