put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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