my mouth tastes like poor choices
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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