who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
