you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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