If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
