If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize