Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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