I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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