At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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