South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
