I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
