AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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