1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize