that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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