then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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