Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize