It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
