i permit you to call me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
