I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Porn is love you can see.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
