She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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