MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize