her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
