ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
