She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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