By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
