covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
