Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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