oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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