Yo dont text me then not text me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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