I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
