Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
