I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
