Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize