No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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